Please read part of my story and comment =)?
So I've been a bit interested in writing for the past year...and I'm giving a shot at it. The story is about a girl named Violet with a special talents. Supernatural, you could say. In this version of the world, people with her talents are spread out far and wide, and the birth of one happens randomly...but there is only one new one born every year. None of them have any connection with each other. Each person has a different version of the talent. (ex. People who can see the future, people who can hear other's thoughts, super speedy people, invisibles, stuff like that... BUT NO VAMPIRES ARE MENTIONED IN THIS STORY. Anyways, the government and the families of those with talents are the only ones aware of this. And there's an organization in the government called The Division. They are destined to take away those with "talents" so they can be tested and basically kept in cages for the rest of their lives. So Violet and her mother, and small sister Cassie, are constantly running away from The Division. They circulate through the United states all the time, but this story particularly focuses on them moving to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. throughout the story, she has to cope with a new school, new friends, running from the division, staying hidden, and a few unexpected surprises. Here's the beginning chapter. Hope you enjoy :) Beginning page: Regular humans are constantly born into this world every second of every day and night. This rule also applies to the ones who are constantly dying and leaving this world, on their way to something better, more extravagant….. The truth to the unusual, or abnormal humans is that once a year, a new unusual is born. Born into a world of despair, a world of hate, and a world of running from the ones who claim they care about you. Born into a world that there’s no way to escape from…no way to lose your existence. You grow, and grow, and finally end at 17, where you will remain for the rest of eternity. Whether that may be one day, or a million to suffer from. Chapter 1: Another new life My weary head throbbed with searing pain as my mother, me, and my small sister Cassie casually strutted in between large crowds of travelers. This time we were headed to Philly, Pennsylvania. Another life and school to enter despite my urge to leave my family behind. I peered to my left at large jets lining up to greet the morning passengers. Carefully, I studied each to identify numbers on the lower right side of the fuselage. In an eighth of a second, I identified plane number 1813 and tugged mother on her bony shoulder. “I found our plane,†I informed her. “Quick timing sweetie.†She glared at me, disappointed. “Good job.†With a sigh and one of her signature eye-rolls, mother passed Cassie’s stroller to me and found our place in the boarding line. I could tell mother had been tired of listening to my “talents†growing stronger. She had only wished that I wasn’t born with them in the first place. Mother’s tired face had drained all happiness. Skin wrinkles hung below her small emerald eyes which had even seemed to lose the vibrant color that had filled them before. Her long brown hair flowed in tangles as if it had never been cared for. Father’s sudden absence had taken mother’s life with him. A small, frail woman replaced the lively one who loved me. Cassie peered up at me from the stroller, her face enlightened with excitement. I adored her, for she hadn’t been born as an unusual. Although, she had a unique way of communicating with those around her. She couldn’t verbally talk to those around her, but her eyes had always shown her emotions. Like a drawing displayed for all to see. I envied Cassie’s astonishing looks. Golden hair that hung in defined curls, and deep blue ocean eyes that reminded me of my father. The child’s bright pearl teeth were a candle that could light up any room. Whenever I’d peer into her extravagant eyes, it felt as if my father had never left. We’d been doing this ever since I was Cassie’s age. Disappearing from one world, to the next every few months. Constantly circulating throughout the country so I wouldn’t be found… As the line of passengers began boarding the plane, I wondered if this would last forever. If the never-ending traveling would ever end. Would I spend my life running from The Division? Maybe they were already following me in this very airport. Maybe they were tracking my every move at this very moment. I jumped at the slight thought of being taken away by them. Maybe I could be dreaming. Maybe I was a regular girl sunken deep into a tragic coma…maybe I’d wake up any second and finally feel secure again. But this was all too real. I felt certain that the mind surely wasn’t capable of piecing together this chilly fear inside me. Also, I know this is a little messed up. I have done NO editing so far, this is just a rough draft. I'm only 13...and I barely have any experience. I know it's a little sketchy and out- there, but i'm MONTHS away from finishing the entire story. I hope it's not too bad...
Books & Authors - 3 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
This Story Is So Real! When I Was Reading It! It Felt Like I Was There! It Was The Best Story Ever!! Keep Writing More Stories Like That!
2
In the midst of your writing, I came up with a great scene for my own story! ANYWAY: -I found out plane," I informed her. Just put said. It's bad to replace it all the time. And informed just sounds... off. -"Quick timing sweetie." Um... never in my life have I hear anyone say that. how about: "Great timing, sweetie." -Show not tell. Look it up. -You're giving us too much info so early in the story. You've answered all the reader's dawning questions, making the reader not intrigued to read more. -The part where you described the girl's teeth as a candle was odd. Over all score: Needs work. Rate 1-10: 5 (Don't worry. I'm VERY tough with my ratings.) Good Luck! :)
3
Needs some editing, but really a good original story. I like it.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
How do you know when it might be time to transfer?
How do you know when it might be time to transfer?
Okay, I am a freshman in college right now, and I will be honest, I am somewhat disappointed. I don't know if this place is for me, but sometimes I feel pretty good about going here. It is a small liberal arts school in Pennsylvania near Philadelphia. I love Philly, and I like that I'm still in the area near my family, but I wonder if the atmosphere is right for me. I can't tell if I should transfer or not. I do and I don't. But I'm not sure what to do. Does anyone have or had a similar situation at one time?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
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1
Hey bro, well think of it this way. It is only your freshman year. I am a freshman at Syracuse University and at first I really didn't like it. After a few months I was still considering to transfer because a lot of people here weren't that friendly, and the academics weren't as strong as others. Yet, I found a great group of friends, good people, and I also discovered I can try to get into a great program at the school, so I decided to stay. But the thing is, maybe you aren't used to the school yet, take some time. I mean if you really want to transfer after 2008 is over, then maybe you can apply to a different school or just go into the schools that you got into before. And maybe liberal arts isn't for you too. Just figure out what you wanna do for your life. Who knows, maybe you will get great friends and you will start loving the place.
Okay, I am a freshman in college right now, and I will be honest, I am somewhat disappointed. I don't know if this place is for me, but sometimes I feel pretty good about going here. It is a small liberal arts school in Pennsylvania near Philadelphia. I love Philly, and I like that I'm still in the area near my family, but I wonder if the atmosphere is right for me. I can't tell if I should transfer or not. I do and I don't. But I'm not sure what to do. Does anyone have or had a similar situation at one time?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
Hey bro, well think of it this way. It is only your freshman year. I am a freshman at Syracuse University and at first I really didn't like it. After a few months I was still considering to transfer because a lot of people here weren't that friendly, and the academics weren't as strong as others. Yet, I found a great group of friends, good people, and I also discovered I can try to get into a great program at the school, so I decided to stay. But the thing is, maybe you aren't used to the school yet, take some time. I mean if you really want to transfer after 2008 is over, then maybe you can apply to a different school or just go into the schools that you got into before. And maybe liberal arts isn't for you too. Just figure out what you wanna do for your life. Who knows, maybe you will get great friends and you will start loving the place.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
How would you answer the undergrad. admission essay below? Ideas?
How would you answer the undergrad. admission essay below? Ideas?
Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community. Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
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1
This is the most difficult "prompt" I have ever seen. Most students will probably choose the university, but the creative students will choose others, for example, pre-med students should choose the hospital, humanties majors the library, etc.
Benjamin Franklin established the Union Fire Company, the Library Company of Philadelphia, the American Philosophical Society, Pennsylvania Hospital, and, of course, the charity school that evolved into the University of Pennsylvania. As they served the larger community of Philadelphia, each institution in turn formed its own community. Which of the academic communities and social communities that now comprise the University of Pennsylvania are most interesting to you and how will you contribute to them and to the larger Penn community?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
This is the most difficult "prompt" I have ever seen. Most students will probably choose the university, but the creative students will choose others, for example, pre-med students should choose the hospital, humanties majors the library, etc.
university of pennsylvania SAT or ACT?
university of pennsylvania SAT or ACT?
Should I send UPenn my SAT scores (2040 overall) or ACT scores (32 with writing)? Also, should i mention any AP tests that I have taken? I took 3 but i didn't do well on any of them, with a 2 in US History, 3 in Chemistry and a 3 in Physics (My school starts later than most other schools so we can never cover all of the material). My SAT Subject scores were 700 in math 2, 600 in US History, and 560 in French. I am retaking the SAT reasoning in October. Is there a way to send SAT and ACT, with ACT substituting my subject tests? Because on UPenn's site it doesn't say so, it only says either SAT and SAT II's or ACT with writing, but I've heard you can replace SAT II's with the ACT. Also, would anyone give an assessment on my chances of getting in? None of my parents went to college, I have taken all possible AP classes and have always gotten all A's and B's. I am unsure of my rank because we haven't received them yet, as well as my GPA. But as of after 10th grade I was 41 out of around 500 something, but my grades went up a lot last year and I expect that rank to go up to at least top 25. My school GPA is weighted at it is well over 4.0 and unweighted it should be around 4.0 but again, I haven't gotten it yet. My school is public in Philadelphia, Central High School. I'm also applying early decision Also, I have never held a job of any kind. I hope that doesn't hurt a lot. As for leadership roles, I haven't been in charge of anything really, I've done a lot of community service activities though, and played guitar in a couple charity concerts. I was also a student association representative for my advisary in 9th grade. during the summer before my junior year I created a petition and got my target of over 700 signatures against the city's local transportation system removing transfers (the things you need to transfer onto another bus without paying full price). I'm not sure how much effect it had, but they DID contact me about it, and they did eventually give all students free passes to use the bus for the first time in Philadelphia history.
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
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1
About all you can do is compare your achievements to the students they did accept. Here's how the middle 50% of a recent freshman class did: SAT - Critical Reading Middle 50%:650-750 SAT - Math Middle 50%:680-780 TPR Projected Range SAT Writing:690-750 ACT Composite Midldle 50%:31-34 Average High School GPA:3.83 Students in top 10% of HS class:94% Total applicants who are accepted:18% While your SAT and ACT scores fall into this range, they're not at the high end, so it's not a sure thing. They are going to be looking at more than just grades and test scores, too. My understanding is that early decision increases your chances, if your application is strong in the first place. Do you have strong activities indicating a leadership role, a passion about something, a work ethic, etc.? Also, make sure your essays are rock solid.
Should I send UPenn my SAT scores (2040 overall) or ACT scores (32 with writing)? Also, should i mention any AP tests that I have taken? I took 3 but i didn't do well on any of them, with a 2 in US History, 3 in Chemistry and a 3 in Physics (My school starts later than most other schools so we can never cover all of the material). My SAT Subject scores were 700 in math 2, 600 in US History, and 560 in French. I am retaking the SAT reasoning in October. Is there a way to send SAT and ACT, with ACT substituting my subject tests? Because on UPenn's site it doesn't say so, it only says either SAT and SAT II's or ACT with writing, but I've heard you can replace SAT II's with the ACT. Also, would anyone give an assessment on my chances of getting in? None of my parents went to college, I have taken all possible AP classes and have always gotten all A's and B's. I am unsure of my rank because we haven't received them yet, as well as my GPA. But as of after 10th grade I was 41 out of around 500 something, but my grades went up a lot last year and I expect that rank to go up to at least top 25. My school GPA is weighted at it is well over 4.0 and unweighted it should be around 4.0 but again, I haven't gotten it yet. My school is public in Philadelphia, Central High School. I'm also applying early decision Also, I have never held a job of any kind. I hope that doesn't hurt a lot. As for leadership roles, I haven't been in charge of anything really, I've done a lot of community service activities though, and played guitar in a couple charity concerts. I was also a student association representative for my advisary in 9th grade. during the summer before my junior year I created a petition and got my target of over 700 signatures against the city's local transportation system removing transfers (the things you need to transfer onto another bus without paying full price). I'm not sure how much effect it had, but they DID contact me about it, and they did eventually give all students free passes to use the bus for the first time in Philadelphia history.
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
About all you can do is compare your achievements to the students they did accept. Here's how the middle 50% of a recent freshman class did: SAT - Critical Reading Middle 50%:650-750 SAT - Math Middle 50%:680-780 TPR Projected Range SAT Writing:690-750 ACT Composite Midldle 50%:31-34 Average High School GPA:3.83 Students in top 10% of HS class:94% Total applicants who are accepted:18% While your SAT and ACT scores fall into this range, they're not at the high end, so it's not a sure thing. They are going to be looking at more than just grades and test scores, too. My understanding is that early decision increases your chances, if your application is strong in the first place. Do you have strong activities indicating a leadership role, a passion about something, a work ethic, etc.? Also, make sure your essays are rock solid.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Undergraduate Engineering: University of Pennsylvania, or USC?
Undergraduate Engineering: University of Pennsylvania, or USC?
UPenn is an Ivy League school in Philadelphia, known for its Wharton School of Business; it's the 6th oldest college in the United States. USC is in southern California, not far from where I live. Both are great schools, but I can't decide which to go to. If I want to live in SoCal, I assume that the Trojan Network at USC will help me find internships and jobs. However, I wonder if a degree from UPenn is more universal and if that name will get me just as many, if not more, jobs than the Trojan Network can get a USC student. Also, I'm curious about the individual engineering schools (as opposed to the universities as a whole). 30% of accepted students enroll in USC, and 63% of accepted students enroll at UPenn. Which town is more fun for a college student? I like variety and I get bored pretty easily so I want to know that there will be lots to do. What is there to do around UPenn, in Philadelphia? Can someone tell me about both of these schools in general? This decision is so hard... Thank you! Well yeah, obviously USC can't even compete with Wharton. Wharton is the #1 Business school in the nation, and has been ranked #1 in the world (not sure what current rankings are though)! So that is very impressive. I'm mostly concerned about the school of engineering though. And what do you mean "brotherly love" in Philadelphia?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
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1
Are you serious?? comparing UPenn(Wharton) with USC. This is no comparison. Trust me buddy, i have couple of buddies who attended UPenn and now work for Wall St. USC can't even compete with UCLA. In term of which one is the better city, I'll have to say the city of angels is so much better than this brotherly love crap.
UPenn is an Ivy League school in Philadelphia, known for its Wharton School of Business; it's the 6th oldest college in the United States. USC is in southern California, not far from where I live. Both are great schools, but I can't decide which to go to. If I want to live in SoCal, I assume that the Trojan Network at USC will help me find internships and jobs. However, I wonder if a degree from UPenn is more universal and if that name will get me just as many, if not more, jobs than the Trojan Network can get a USC student. Also, I'm curious about the individual engineering schools (as opposed to the universities as a whole). 30% of accepted students enroll in USC, and 63% of accepted students enroll at UPenn. Which town is more fun for a college student? I like variety and I get bored pretty easily so I want to know that there will be lots to do. What is there to do around UPenn, in Philadelphia? Can someone tell me about both of these schools in general? This decision is so hard... Thank you! Well yeah, obviously USC can't even compete with Wharton. Wharton is the #1 Business school in the nation, and has been ranked #1 in the world (not sure what current rankings are though)! So that is very impressive. I'm mostly concerned about the school of engineering though. And what do you mean "brotherly love" in Philadelphia?
Higher Education (University +) - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
Are you serious?? comparing UPenn(Wharton) with USC. This is no comparison. Trust me buddy, i have couple of buddies who attended UPenn and now work for Wall St. USC can't even compete with UCLA. In term of which one is the better city, I'll have to say the city of angels is so much better than this brotherly love crap.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Got a house for short term rent anyone?
Got a house for short term rent anyone?
Small family moving to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania shortly looking for 1 or 2 BR small house or apartment for reasonable rent. Should be close to schools, shops, hospitals etc.
Renting & Real Estate - 2 Answers
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1
Here are a couple of websites that specialize in short-term rentals
2
Try craigslist http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/ >
Small family moving to Philadelphia, Pennsylvania shortly looking for 1 or 2 BR small house or apartment for reasonable rent. Should be close to schools, shops, hospitals etc.
Renting & Real Estate - 2 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
Here are a couple of websites that specialize in short-term rentals
2
Try craigslist http://philadelphia.craigslist.org/ >
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Which of these states in the USA has the least amount natural disasters?
Which of these states in the USA has the least amount natural disasters?
and which one is least boring for living and why? Pennsylvania - Philadelphia Vermont - Montpelier Wisconsin - Madinson I'm thinking about build my own house. Do you think is less expensive than for ex. buying a mansion in LA?..lol Also I'm searching for great hospitals and elementary/high schools in the zone, could you tell? Madison, sorry
Other - United States - 1 Answers
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1
http://www.harborinsurance.com/guides/disasterprofile.htm L.A. is very expensive. Philadelphia SUBURBS are nice. The city can be a little dangerous... And Montpelier is great...but cold!!!
and which one is least boring for living and why? Pennsylvania - Philadelphia Vermont - Montpelier Wisconsin - Madinson I'm thinking about build my own house. Do you think is less expensive than for ex. buying a mansion in LA?..lol Also I'm searching for great hospitals and elementary/high schools in the zone, could you tell? Madison, sorry
Other - United States - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1
http://www.harborinsurance.com/guides/disasterprofile.htm L.A. is very expensive. Philadelphia SUBURBS are nice. The city can be a little dangerous... And Montpelier is great...but cold!!!
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